- By Cleolinda Jones

Movies In Fifteen Minutes: The Ten Biggest Movies Ever For People Who Can't Be Bothered

  • Title: Movies In Fifteen Minutes: The Ten Biggest Movies Ever For People Who Can't Be Bothered
  • Author: Cleolinda Jones
  • ISBN: 9780575076877
  • Page: 459
  • Format: Hardcover
  • Movies In Fifteen Minutes The Ten Biggest Movies Ever For People Who Can t Be Bothered These movies would take nearly two days to watch end to end And that s with no toilet breaks And all you d get to eat and drink would be giant buckets of coke and popcorn and six inches of horrible p

    These movies would take nearly two days to watch end to end And that s with no toilet breaks And all you d get to eat and drink would be giant buckets of coke and popcorn, and six inches of horrible pink gunk extruded on a bun And your left hand will keep wandering down to that tacky gobbet of someone else s chewing gum under your seat You know it will.Even if you sawThese movies would take nearly two days to watch end to end And that s with no toilet breaks And all you d get to eat and drink would be giant buckets of coke and popcorn, and six inches of horrible pink gunk extruded on a bun And your left hand will keep wandering down to that tacky gobbet of someone else s chewing gum under your seat You know it will.Even if you saw one a week it would take three months you d miss all those trips down the pub and your friends would stop speaking to you and you d be in danger of turning into Jonathan Ross And no one wants that.Or perhaps you could watch them at home on DVD and never be able to get up out of your sofa ever again Even when the pizza arrives.But then Hollywood Blockbusters are a guilty pleasure you d really not want to be without Never fear Help is at hand Well, in your hand actually Ten of the biggest movies of the last thirty years Condensed Made intentionally funny Made intentionally very funny Simple really.

    1 thought on “Movies In Fifteen Minutes: The Ten Biggest Movies Ever For People Who Can't Be Bothered

    1. Just because you love a movie does not mean you are not allowed to make fun of it. Some movies are just asking for it. Right? Well, Cleolinda Jones seems to think so. This book was worth killing a few trees to get it printed. LOVE This is how I feel about this book. It was insta-love, love from the first page. It was meant to be.It made me smile and it made me cry (granted, it was from laughter). It understands my (occasionally baffling) sense of humor.The screenplay-format movie parodies that e [...]

    2. My sense of humor has an incredible, unashamed weak point for parody. I happened upon the website start of this series and had to get the book. While it's tongue in cheek marketed as a time saving way to take in all ten movies, the parodies are funnier if you know the films. With secondary characters like vengeful dolphins, owls of irony, and Scottish jailbait Oliver Woods, these are written in a fast paced script format, full of sarcasm. References to other movies, current events from the time [...]

    3. THE READER: Is late to the partyCLEOLINDA JONES: Is funny like a foxTHE READER: Will stop this at once because it’s obvious and annoyingIt’s been a long, long time since I told myself ‘hey, I really must get a copy of M15M so that I can read the first Harry Potter film parody and whatallever else she’s got hidden away for paying eyes only *mutter*. Then the book sort of fell off my reading radar. Okay, I don’t have one of those. I forgot. But when I remembered again I was right on it. [...]

    4. This book is HILARIOUS. I was/am a huge fan of the original blog and movie parodies in general, and it never gets old. There's nothing quite like suddenly having the content of 13 different webpages conveniently packaged together in a manner you did not have to collect, print out and/or sew together yourself. They're all fantastic, but if I had to pick a favoritewell, I'd still have a tough time picking between Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, or maybe even Titanic. Nearly infinite reread val [...]

    5. Everyone should be required to read this book. It is hilarious, even if you haven't seen the movies, and ten times more so if you have. I adore every page.Movies in Fifteen Minutes lives by my bedside, and it helps cheer me up if I've had a rough day, or if I just want a good laugh. I liked the ones posted online so much that I bought a copy from a bookstore in England (and let me tell you, the shipping to Alaska wasn't cheap). I have never regretted it for a second.One last thing-- once, my fam [...]

    6. Cleolinda is just plain hilarious. Her on-the-nose snarky observations, her brilliant pop-culture references and keen humor are spot-on. It is remarkably quotable and witty. The only detriment this book had missing from the originals online was the fact that linking to tie-in jokes is not possible. Entertaining, sarcastic and laugh-out-loud funny, this book will send you scurrying to her website (cleolinda/) for the online, unpublished editions. All I can say is, read, enjoy and you'll never loo [...]

    7. Loved the blog, LOVE the book. Cleo has this way of condensing dialogue into the bare meaningful minimum, and doing so with so much hilarity it'll explode the coffee right out of your nose.May I quote an example from the blog entry on Hidalgo (still my favourite Movie in 15 mins)?JAZIRA: Whatever. I must go. If they catch you sexing me up, they will kill us both!FRANK: Who said anything about sexing you up?JAZIRA: *bats lashes*FRANK: Oh no! Someone is coming! I fall on you in the defensive missi [...]

    8. Very well-written and thought out. While some jokes lose a bit of their sharpness when re-read a few years later, none of the humour has gone stale. Excellent fun and very quote-able, you can enjoy the book even if you haven't seen all the movies it dig its claws into. And when you do get around to seeing one of these flicks, just you try and not quote lines from Movies in Fifteen Minutes aloud!

    9. This collection of parodies was developed from Cleolinda's unusually successful "Movies in 15 Minutes" blog entries. As such, it's not going to change anyone's life, but I leave it on the guest room nightstand. It has been uniformly popular. It's basically parodies. Good parodies, with an underlying narrative thread, but parodies. If you grew up reading Mad magazine and National Lampoon, you will do fine.

    10. Hilarious! It works better when you've seen the movies being parodied, but it's not necessary. I highly recommend this for movie buffs, parodiers, or just people who like comedy; Jones's easy style and smooth adaptation of internet language with spoken make for some wonderful jokes and great humor.

    11. Brilliant! Not only does it do what the title says, but it also provides a very funny summary of the 'fandom' of each film. If you're already familiar with the film, the parody is bound to be funnier, but if you haven't seen it, the parody is still hilarious.

    12. Warning: Has been known to induce hysterical giggling. Do not read in public, unless you want to be stared at.

    13. I love Cleolinda Jones, who has a hilarious blog and whose real name is Lauren something. You should read her book and love her too. I cannot word today.

    14. I'm a huge fan of Miss Cleo's LiveJournal and I was very excited to finally get my hands on the book. It was absolutely hilarious, loved it!

    15. I m rather fond of online-to-real-life publishing successes such as two of those previously featured in this column. Sharing origins with Everything Matters and RealLivePreacher, Movies in Fifteen Minutes (M15M) hails from one user on LiveJournal (LJ), who came back from watching Van Helsing and wrote an entry that somehow became a 2500-word parody.[return][return]Her friends loved it, linked to it in their own LJs and emailed it to their friends. This LJ user, who goes by the name Cleolinda Jon [...]

    16. I'm a big fan of Cleolinda's Movies in 15 Minutes reviews because they're hilarious and oh, so true. The snark is strong with this one. An excellent recent example is Avengers in 15 Minutes. Love it.This book is not quite as bust-a-gut funny as I was anticipating, but that's probably because I'm familiar with her style. Certain comedic beats are familiar and lack that LOL-inducing impact, but overall it's still really funny.Readers should have a reasonable awareness of genre movies, pop culture [...]

    17. It's been a while since I read this, but I remember reading it in one sitting. My sister and I are both big fans of Cleolinda from her Livejournal and her previous Movies in 15 Minutes. The ones in the book are not available online and include the first Harry Potter and the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy. They are very entertaining and most make me literally laugh out loud. They have a short-story quality to them so that you can easily read one of the movies in about 20 minutes.They are written [...]

    18. I used to read Cleolinda's movie parodies on her LJ many years ago and loved all of them. So when I found out she was having a book published, I was thrilled. I ordered it all the way from the UK where the shipping cost more than the actual book itself because no American publisher picked it up (even though the author is American, weird, right?)Anyhoo, the reason it took me so long to get through the book was because I had actually never seen in entirety some of the movies in the book. But I fin [...]

    19. I've long been a fan of the original Movies in Fifteen Minutes blog, as well as Cleolinda's writing in general, so I sort of expected to enjoy this. That said, I was giggling almost nonstop through this book. I don't know how much I would have appreciated had I not seen all the films being condensed, but now I want to go back and re-watch all these movies just so I can then go back and appreciate the m15m versions all the more. I loved the endless footnotes and the jokes that repeated through mu [...]

    20. Absolutely hilarious- I love this collection of movie parodies. As an avid follower of Cleolinda's blog (cleolindavejournal) I naturally couldn't resist this gem. I've lent it to my boyfriend and sister and they weren't as keen, but they are the funniest parodies I've read. The Lord of the Rings and Spiderman ones are particular treats, and I can't wait to go and re-read Troy in Fifteen Minutes now that I've (finally) seen the film- although it was pretty funny even without seeing the film, whic [...]

    21. WOOHOO! I finally got my hands on Cleolinda Jones's book without paying shipping from the UK. As I was going to England to visit some friends, I ordered the book from Waterstone's, though I could see that it was available in many of the stores (but why take chances?). So I picked it up when I got there and read the whole thing (between doing fun touristy-type activities, of course) and it was everything I hoped it would be! I could babble on about every funny joke, but I don't have that kind of [...]

    22. If you haven’t heard of Cleolinda Jones, do yourself a favor and check out the Movies in Fifteen Minutes site. (I recommend all four parts of the Twilight Saga, personally.) This collection is no exception to her sharp wit and eye for comedy, covering ten movies between 1993-2003. My only issue is that the print version isn’t as fully linkomatic as the online parodies, so some of the jokes fly over my head. However, this collection is still one of the funniest things I have ever read.

    23. I've followed Cleolinda on her blog for almost a decade. She is consistently hilarious. Her M15M have been favorites of mine, and I always recommend them to friends. Her way of seeing the minutiae in a movie and turning it into an incredibly funny gag makes this book one I turn to when I'm in a bad mood. The style of the movies takes a tiny bit to get used to, but once you do, you will love this book as much as I do.

    24. I found Ms Jones through livejournal during high school. Me and my friends always had a blast reading everything she wrote - so of course when she announced she was having a book published, I was more than willing to pay for it. And I've never been disappointed - and me and my friends have continued acting out her stories and laughing ourselves silly!

    25. An entertaining coffee table book. Yet, you won't get the full feeling of the joke unless you have seen that certain movie before, which kinda defeats the book's purpose. Also, some jokes become overused toward the end of the book.

    26. I would have finished this, but I hadn't watched many of the movies she parodied. Didn't want to spoil myself. Might pick it up again, if I ever find it again and if by then I have watched some of the movies for which I haven't yet read her parodies.

    27. I cannot recommend this book enough. I've been following Cleolinda Jones online for about 10 years now and she is just incredibly talented. You don't even need to have seen the movies she parodies here to find them funny. One of the smartest, funniest, wittiest writers working today.

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