- By Russell Blake

How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time

  • Title: How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time
  • Author: Russell Blake
  • ISBN: null
  • Page: 362
  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time Even if Drunk High or Incarcerated is a parody of all things related to writing self publishing and self promotion Featuring Writer s Tips running the ga

    How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time Even if Drunk, High or Incarcerated is a parody of all things related to writing, self publishing and self promotion Featuring 59 Writer s Tips running the gamut from selecting a blockbuster title to creating compelling narrative and dialog, Russell s relentlessly evil humor mocks everything sacred to the writing profession DesHow To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time Even if Drunk, High or Incarcerated is a parody of all things related to writing, self publishing and self promotion Featuring 59 Writer s Tips running the gamut from selecting a blockbuster title to creating compelling narrative and dialog, Russell s relentlessly evil humor mocks everything sacred to the writing profession Described as the literary equivalent of Ebola and vicious, demented, reprehensible brain poison, Blake s book is sweeping the publishing industry and garnering rave reviews A must buy for authors, friends of authors, and readers everywhere How to Sell a Gazillion eBooks In a Year is by far the most important book ever written on any topic, although I exclude the Bible since the Bible wasn t exactly written in the way we mean the word written But other than that, Gazillion does it all For everyone A can t miss, sure fire Gazillion hit a thon from the master of them all John Lescroart, NY Times bestselling author of over 20 novels, including The Vig, The 13th Juror, Treasure Hunt, Damage, Second Chair and a host of others a joyously vicious satire and parody that makes sport of John Locke, and indeed of the whole brave new world of self publishing and self promotion If you don t find Mr Blake outrageous, and indeed offensive, you would seem to be missing the point And the same thing goes if you only find him outrageous and offensive Lawrence Block, bestselling author of Telling Lies For Fun Profit, The Liar s Bible, A Drop Of The Hard Stuff, and Getting Off Anybody who s ever read a self help book will appreciate the cynical humor from the nimble mind of Russell Blake in this parody Piercing sarcasm, the ability to turn a phrase into a missile and an impressive vocabulary he makes up words if he doesn t know an appropriate one I ve asked him, but still don t know what a Gazillion is combine into a book that is alternately rant, grovel, trash talk and Bizarro world counsel Irreverent fun David Lender, author of Trojan Horse, The Gravy Train and Bull Street A Q A for How To Sell A Gazillion with bestselling author Russell Blake Question Gazillions mocks everyone and everything, including icons like John Locke Are you trying to be the most hated writer alive Russell Blake Fair question First off, this wasn t a jab at Locke It was a jab at everyone I wanted to write something that called BS and mocked the entire notion that it was easy or fun being a self published author There s just this hushed sort of reverence when certain names are mentioned, I thought it would be very funny to lampoon both the self help books themselves, as well as our entire attitude about self publishing and being authors I think the result worked I was laughing as I wrote most of it, and I still laugh when I go back and read it, although admittedly alcohol is often involved Q Who is the book written for RB Honestly, it was mainly written for me, and a small circle of friends with really twisted senses of humor Nothing s sacred in that crowd, which is the basis of most of the humor in the book That, and there are a lot of jabs at bad writing, of which, unfortunately, there s no dearth.Q What would you tell readers delving into it RB Mainly that there are no sacred cows, or rather, that there shouldn t be Writing should be fun, and joyful, and done for the sake of creating something worth reading.

    1 thought on “How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time

    1. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR FANS OF SATIRE -- MUST-READ FOR SELF-PUBLISHING AUTHORSThis book is a biting satire about the publishing industry.When I started reading it, I shrieked so loud laughing that my husband came running a few times. He thought I had slipped and fallen in the bathroom. And I shrieked so often that I eventually became afraid that if I really slipped and fell in the bathroom, my husband would no longer pay attention and I would be left lying like the actors in the ads featuring al [...]

    2. Brilliantly insincere - I loved it!Hahahaha, Russell Blake is brutally insincere with all the scruples of a hungry pride of lions. I loved it! People reviewing my own books either `get' me or don't, and I often suspect those who don't are affronted because they can see themselves in the writing. Blake is the same. He is an absolute piss taker who I suspect bases his own role model on the likes of Tony Robbins, Ziggy Ziglar and Pete DohertyEVER, there is no doubt that if you were following Russel [...]

    3. I laughed so hard I threw myself into a coughing fit several times. Admittedly, this is not difficult in my current state of health, but Blake has still written a hysterically funny satire on the glut of self-publishing how-tos blooding the internet over the past couple of years. I caught John Locke (even funnier now that he's revealed himself to be a fraud who buys reviews), JA Konrath (not a fraud, but sometimes a bit of an acquired taste), and a few others that I'm not going to name because t [...]

    4. Can I get a Sixth Star??Russell Blake usually writes thrillers, so this book is a hilarious departure for him. And I couldn't stop laughing. Even if you aren't an author, you'll get a big kick out of this tongue-in-cheek 'how-to' manual. (Obviously, Blake has perused some of these get-rich-quick manifestos, because he doesn't miss a trick.) I particularly enjoyed his advice to get a celebrity to endorse your book. Sure, piece of cake. I've got calls out to Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie as we spe [...]

    5. Hysterical read. While it is a spoof on many self-publishing books on the market his examples illustrate what not to do better than many real books I've seen. Anyone who reads this and thinks he is recommending following any of the advice he is giving has missed the point of the book. He is no more seriously suggesting plagiarism then he is dating a celeb to sell your book or buy book reviews The book is a spoof. A well done one.

    6. A must read for self-published authors. Best to read 2-3 months after you post your first book on Kindle after you realize you are not going to become rich by having 0.0000000001% of the world's Internet users download your ebook for ninety-nine cents. Very funny stuff. Lots of not-so-hidden truths lie within the humor of A GAZLILLION eBOOKS. If you're a aspiring writer, make sure you add this book to your Kindle Library.

    7. Very funny parody on 'How to" books in general & how to market novels in particular. Coming so soon after John Locke's "How To" puts it very much in context.

    8. Hilarious take-off of John Locke's "How to" but a much easier read. Try not to read it in public. You'll find yourself breaking into uncontrollable laughter. People will think you're nuts!

    9. Amusing and probably more accurate than the usual how to booksThis was very amusing. Even if you haven't read any self- publishing guides or indeed any self-help stuff it is still a very funny read. If you have read any of those types of books it does a very good job of parodying them and they certainly need that.I laughed out loud on a few occasions and having read a few writing and self publishing guides I recognised a lot of the behaviours that it was making fun of. I expect that this book pr [...]

    10. When man first emerged from the stinking cesspool in a grimy green film and began the long walk to bipedalism, leaving the apes behind to sit upon stonesWait, wrong title.Have you ever purchased a book that promised wealth, fame and success by following "these 10 simple steps"? Are you an author trying to make it in self publishing/epublishing? This book should be on your shelf or inside your reader. Russell Blake has distilled the vinegar from all those how-to books and packaged it in a hilario [...]

    11. This is basically a spoof version of all the how-to-make-money-selling-ebooks claims that we all see every day. There are a lot of spot-on observations about the ridiculous claims they make, suggesting that the authors of such books rate themselves so highly they have a god complex. The most entertaining sections for me were some witty inversions of what is actually good practice for authors such as tips on how to expand sentences until they last forever, or have a mysterious character walk in a [...]

    12. If you're an author who needs a break from marketing activities and wants to laugh uncontrollably, get this book. Don't expect self help tips and "you can do it" type Tony Robbins fare. Instead, Russell is the Marquis de Sade, backhanding his readers upside the face with his pinky ring. And instead of getting upset about it, you find yourself laughing even more.

    13. Hilarious. Hysterical. Mr. Blake is one sick dude. Highly recommended. Now I might have to read John Locke's How to book just to see how "normal" people write about the same subject.

    14. I often chase down a book mentioned by the Wall St. Journal from a business standpoint as it piques my interest. That was how I first found "Wool" which was well done and a phenomena since it came out in self published e-book form first, later released as a hardback and trade paperback once it became an e-book smash. Well, according to WSJ Russell Blake does sell a gazillion ebooks and his output is amazing and supposedly James Patterson has asked him to co-write one of his stories. (Although I [...]

    15. A funny quick read but also a little bit of a one-trick pony. The author did an excellent job tearing apart the whole "get rich quick" self-help genre which is my guilty pleasure. The major problem was that he just kept essentially repeating the same jokes long after they had become funny. The repetitiveness added to the meta-humor of the book but it also made it tiresome to read at points.

    16. This is the kind of book my father would have written if he were still alive. Great spoof on what not to do as an independent author; written better than some out there that were written in all seriousness.

    17. I have read this book twice just for laughs. I love it. Thanks to the author for injecting some humor in an otherwise ruthless business. That said, I took away two things that I will use for my books. I recommend this book for authors who don't want this business to consume them.

    18. The author definitely knows the ins & outs of writing and publishing. His "advice" and How-To's are similar to Ben Stein's How To Ruin Your Life series of books, i.e. you should do the OPPOSITE of what he says. Mr. Blake is funny, but it's a one-joke book, and no matter how good that joke may be, no joke is that funny when it's book-length and repeated over and over (and over) again. Funny at first, but not for the long haul.

    19. I bought this book at the recommendation of a friend who loved this book and rated it 5*. It is satirical and it might make you laugh or maybe not depending on your view. Personally I didn't enjoy it which just goes to show how subjective all of this is as what one person likes someone else might not like at all!

    20. Flat out hysterical! This parody is evil, black humor that mocks authors and the get rich publishing mentality at every turn. Just the "look inside" will have you falling out of your chair howling with laughter.I liked it so much I read it twice.

    21. This book definitely had its funny parts, some very hilarious, but I found myself scanning large dry sections. Could have been shorter, and I would have been happier.

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